Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Battleship: The Motion Picture


There will be a Battleship movie.  Yes a movie based on the Milton Bradley board game.  Now I know what MB is thinking.  If Hasbro can make Billions licensing their hot properties to be made into major motion pictures why can't we?  Truth is they probably can.  But not with Battleship, at least not like this.  

I'm going to really try not to judge this too hard only because it's only a trailer, and we won't have a clue what it's really like until we can see it for ourselves.  That said, there are some glaring issues already.  First do we really have to have a "Hotshot dates Admiral or Generals Daughter and thus the Admiral or General has it out for him story line?"  I'm sure that at some point the Hotshot will do something to earn the Admiral's respect.  It's been done so many times.  It's a trope that should be retired or at least re-examined.  Second, it seems to have the military knowledge of "Stealth".  The Admiral says "You've gone from Enlisted to Officer quicker than any one in history."  This statement alone doesn't bode well for it's accuracy as there isn't any direct path from the enlisted ranks to being an officer.  Even Hotshots have to have a degree and be selected for Officer school.  Third the US Navy doesn't use Battleships anymore.  Not like the ones they show.  Most were retired in the 90's, the one's left have been converted to Cruise Missile platforms.  This, though I will over look until I can see the whole movies because it can be easily explained away by doing a "Down Periscope" and just make this group on an old target ship for the purposes of the exercise.  Last, it seem the real mcguffin that makes this a "Battleship" movie is that these aliens have some kind  of radar blocking device that means that this navel ship will have to shoot blind like you do in the game.  As an audience we're suppose to believe that this alien race which has conquered intersteller travel is going to be defeated by a WWII era battleship?

With that out of my system I will say I will probably go see this if anything just to see if it's as bad as it looks.  It does look fun, even if it is a stupid concept.  If they were going to make a Battleship movie they should have based it on the great Dreadnought battles during WWI.   Actual historical fights between real steels ships in the time before aircraft became the leading offensive weapon in naval combat.   Also pre-radar and thus actually fits the primise.  

I also think there are better properties for MB to make movies.  Candy Land has been in development hell for years.  It's a much better concept for a game.  Just imagine what a Wes Anderson could do with Candy Land...