First victim (I’m not that pessimistic)
Why it would never happen: Its K-on!!
Why it could happen: We are suffocated by the surplus of female teen pop singers.
Slice of life animes would be tough to pull off, especially with a show that is built on delicious moe goodness. Of course the names would be changed, along with a slew of other annoying things. Hollywood knows how to shake up source material, and the public could easily watch a 100-minute movie about four cute high school girls playing in a band. The fact that it would be campy and nonsensical would only add to this potential cash cow.
My cast list:
Ritsu: Amanda Bynes
This was a delicate choice since Lonecow’s number ten female is Ritsu. I hope he doesn’t defecate in my cereal on this one. Ritsu’s western touch needs to be actually funny. She can’t get by just on looks. She needs to be zany funny. While Bynes is effortlessly cute, she looks zany a lot of times. It’s in her eyes. Like Lonecow pointed out in his analysis of Ritsu, her antics are the glue that holds the group together. Most of those antics are completely off the wall ridiculous, and Bynes MAY be able to pull it off.
Mio: Ellen Page
For some reason Ellen Page came to mind as Mio. I think she is damn funny, and she has the shy, witty introvert down pat. I think she would work well off of Bynes because we really want Ritsu and Mio to have an obvious closer bond than the rest of the girls due to them being childhood best friends. I like it.
Mugi: Emma Watson
If we try to mold her based on Mugi’s background of good manners, wealth and her socially acquisitive nature, I see no reason why Emma wouldn’t be a fine choice. Having her be an exchange student from England too allows her to have that instant aristocracy that for some reason we Americans give to anyone with an English accent.
Yui: Kirsten Dunst
Casting Yui was a tough call for me because so much of her is built on moe. So you are the director, and you are telling the girl playing Yui, “Just roll around, and try to think you are a cutie who unfortunately is autistic.” Back in the American Pie heyday, I think Tara Reid would have been a decent choice. She’s cute, can play a ditz really well, and she was tolerable in Josie and the Pussycats. Nowadays, if you cast Tara Reid in anything, you have to make sure her implants won’t fly out of her skin on camera. I’m thinking…Kirsten Dunst?
This is not an insult to her intellect or her creditability as an actress. Just because Yui is a bit spacey in K-on, doesn’t mean Kirsten would play that role in a similar light, and she probably wouldn’t anyways. Plus after watching that video of her lip-syncing in Akibahara a while ago, I…well…want her.
That’s my list oh so help me. I disregarded Azusa, just because if the first movie made enough money to garner a sequel, then we could justify her appearance. Also since this is a Western adaptation wish list, I am going to omit the usual three prominent Asian actresses that everyone knows, and go for strictly a North American cast (except for Ms. Watson). I gave it the M. Night Shyamalan treatment.
Yui: Miley Cyrus
When it comes to an adaptation that has more than a few strong characters, Hollywood studios tend to omit that completely and focus on one character entirely. With a western version of K-on, this is Miley Cyrus’s vehicle. I could picture Disney buying up the rights to K-on, and begging Miley to commit to it. Wouldn’t be surprised if Sawako’s character was turned into a male teacher being played by Billy Ray.
Mio – Demi Lovato, or Selena Gomez
Demi and Selena are another couple of Disney aces that would more than likely mesh perfectly with Hollywood’s version of K-on. Both are actresses and singers and as long as they didn’t step on Miley’s toes, or Billy Ray’s pubes, playing Mio would be in their grasps.
Ritsu and Mugi: Unknown actresses, or leftover Disney channel wastes. With having a few big named teen stars in the mix, it’s unnecessary for Hollywood to try and round out the quartet with some decent actresses. They need to save that money for the male love interest that is non-existent in Japan’s K-on. Hollywood only needs two of the K-on girls.
For the record, K-on is not an anime I would ever want to see replicated, but like I said, this is all for fun. Besides, when you have a chance at making fun of Billy Ray Cyrus, you take it…every time.
Keep it Savory.