Thursday, September 3, 2009

The Perfect Crossover...

Now that Disney has bought Marvel, I have thought of the perfect first crossover. Howard the Duck in the Duck-verse. Here's the setup:

Gyro's Shack, Duckburg...
Gyro Gearloose is working on a new invention. Ludwig von Drake had contacted him six months ago about a theory he had regarding a universe made of of multiple realities. In order to prove his theory he charged Gyro with building a prototype device that would allow them to create portals between realities, thus allowing the measurement of the realities on the other side of the portal. (I know that this plot-device is old-hat at this point, but honestly how else to you explain entities from different universes coming together? Super Science Portals, or Supernatural intervention.) Intrigued by the prospects, Gyro has been hard at work for months on the Prototype; obsessed to the point that his normal duties like maintaining Fenton's Gizmoduck suit, and upkeep on the money vault security system have lagged behind. He is nearing his first test of the device. The Prototype looks somewhat like a ray-gun, in fact much of the design is borrowed from a weapon lifted from the Kronkians that Launchpad and the Boys met some years ago. The plan is to cut a small hole in the space-time, and send a little robot through to see what was on the other side. He turns the machine on and cuts the hole. The moment the robot hits the portal it is disintegrated. Gyro thinks the experiment is a bust, and goes back the drawing board.

Meanwhile in New York City....
In a Dank apartment, in a seedy neighborhood in Manhattan resides Howard the Duck. He's going about his normal Tuesday night ritual, drinking rye and watching porn. As he's nodding off, he's jolted awake by a loud crack. He feels a rumbling, the empty beer can on the table next to him walks itself off the counter. He notices he's slowly moving backward. The only thought that enters his mind is..."Fuck, Not Again."

On a rooftop in St. Canard...
Darkwing Duck is standing on the ledge of inspecting the city below. This is his city. The sights and sounds invigorate him. He is her protector. He is the terror that flaps in the night. There's a loud explosion, Darkwing is knocked down. When the dust and feathers clear there is what looks like an easy chair, and a bedraggled traveler sitting there in dazed amazement


Howard's initial thought was, "I'm Home! This is New Quack City, Fuck me I'm home!!!!." His Jubilation is interrupted when out of nowhere..

Poof! Smoke.
Darkwing: I am the Terror that Flaps in the Night, I am the Fly in your Jelly Sandwich, I am Darkwing Duck!
Howard: Who the Fuck are you!
Darkwing: I just told you "I'm the Terror that Flaps....
(Interupting)Howard: I know I heard you, I'm not fucking deaf, where am?
Darkwing: St. Canard...
Howard: Shit!

Hilarity and awesomeness ensues... I could go on, but then I'm teetering on the ledge of fanfiction which I promised I'd never write.